You know who you are,
I know you've been trying to contact me recently. I guess I just didn't know how to respond to you during those times, so I chose not to. Now I believe it's time we set things straight. I understand we haven't been seeing eye to eye in light of recent events, so I'm writing this to clear things out. My only wish for you now is to read it intently. I would very much appreciate it if you take my words to heart.
I've long known that something was going on between you two, even before 'that' happened. Frankly I don't mind that you two end up together. In fact, who you choose to fall in love with, when you choose to fall in love, that is definitely not for me to say. That's the realm of your love life that I can only support. Under different circumstances I would have been so happy for both of you.
But that's not what happened, and you know that.
What matters to me is why you've fallen in love and how you go about your relationship, or at least, those are the problems that I see now. I don't want you falling in love for the wrong reasons, and whether you admit it or not, physical contact and attachment complicates matters. Even if you say you're trying to know one another, what you're doing is already a barrier to that. If there's anything I've learned about relationships, it's that those who are meant to be together end up together no matter what happens. Sure, you started liking each other way before that night, but what happened put things out of order. Parang nagmadali ka magluto.
A more pressing concern for me is how you go about your relationship. I have no idea whether you two are meant for each other or if you'd end up married, but doing the wrong things before that happens is wrong in itself. I can't tell you enough how much I hate what you did and what you apparently are still doing. I'm aghast to realize that you don't seem to see anything wrong in what you're doing, nor do you seem to find any remorse for it. Sure, call me a moral killjoy and all. Tell me all you want that you're just trying to live life to the fullest, seize the moment, perhaps. But what kind of happiness are you looking for? You're living on shallow emotions. I don't understand how you keep on trying to ruin your life when you're already crumbling inside. You keep saying you have so many problems in school, at home, in your finances, but why do you keep adding insult to injury?
This is no longer an issue if this is a rebound relationship. This isn't just an issue of whether you'd get hurt again in the long run. Obviously you're willing to take those risks. But let me tell you that that's not the only problem. The fact that you're investing your time, energy, money and emotions in wrong behavior is wrong in itself. You're not even thinking of the consequences anymore, how this would affect your school life, your family, your future for crying out loud. You're giving in to your own desires for the heck of the moment. But you won't just be living in the here and now! Besides, if you really love a person, you should know how wrong everything is already.
You've been so selfish that you never even considered how everyone else feels about it, how I feel about it. Ever since I've learned about this I've been obsessing over what I'm going to do with you. I was always so genuinely concerned of you and I was so afraid of everything escalating from one problem to another. You don't realize how much time I've spent away from my own problems and worries just to pray for you, to think about you, to figure out how I'm going to fix things for you. Pinoproblema ko buhay mo. Bakit ko ginawa? Tol mahal kita e. You should know that by now. I already told you I'm not against your happiness, but you don't seem to comprehend the full gravity of that. I am trying to make you happy, that's what I've always wanted, but the end does not justify the means! Disapproving of this all comes from me being your sister. But all I get from you is a deaf ear, always hearing and never listening. I don't even think you really considered my thoughts on the matter. You both think I'm doing this because I'm afraid your relationship isn't that strong to last. That's just the tip of the iceberg. For heaven's sake this isn't about you anymore. I feel so frustrated that I can't seem to get through to you anymore. Where the hell have I gone wrong? I've always been there for you and you know that. I've always been so proud of our friendship because it withstood all the bad times we had, because it was always there whatever happened.
You know the sad part? I'm starting to realize we've always been in good terms when I was there for you, when I agreed with you and supported you in your decisions. Now that I am nowhere near that, you keep your distance, you keep acting like nothing happened. I'm guessing you're expecting me to cave in and support you in time, to be happy for you in the end. But no. This time there's no way I could agree with you because this is far beyond my principles. I hope you stop expecting me to support you, because that would only show me how selfish you really are. You don't choose friends based on who always agrees with you. Larong bata yan e. You think everything would just be okay the way you're doing it? Think again.
You know how much you mean to me, and you should realize that I wouldn't be this brutal if I wasn't that concerned. Stop telling me I have nothing to worry about because I do have something to worry about. I'm flabbergasted at how screwed you think about everything right now, and while you still believe in that I just can't be there for you. I don't want to be part of it.
At the end of this message you must thoroughly hate me already. I've written this message because I don't know what else I could do anymore. You can't be convinced by talks and you even shunned away the thought of you and I talking. I have no idea what I can do. Yes, that's your life and you make decisions for yourself, but I do hope you stop to think if you're making the right ones. OO, HINDI KO 'TO PROBLEMA. Pero yun na nga e, di ko na nga problema ako pa namromroblema. Don't you tell me you're ready for the consequences because you will never realize how grave they will be until they hit you in the face.
I've realized myself that talking to you would be futile if you don't see a problem in anything. Mahirap tululong sa ayaw magpatulong. Until you do I don't think we'd be agreeing with each other. I just can't fake how I feel about this. I'd rather be an honest friend than a fake one. Let this be my way of expressing everything I have to say.
I'll be honest when I say I don't really recognize you anymore. Somehow you're not the person I used to know.
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